8 Things To Tell Your Teenager about Crushes 💔💔
Every Teenager goes through that phase… you know exactly what I mean don’t you? That Phase when the Chords in their heart play a striking tune and cause them to desire the company of another of the opposite sex. These desires are so strong that The teenager can almost swear that they want to spend the rest of their life beholding that face.
We all passed through it, some much more than others, but the experiences are foundationally the same and the solution the same. Crushes are based on infatuation and not love. It is a strong attraction / fondness towards an opposite sex.
These points are very vital for every teenager reading this to know and if you are not a teenager, these points could save a teenager near you, so Share it.
1. IT IS USUALLY TEMPORAL/SHORT LIVED.
This feeling of attraction that usually overwhelms the teen or young adult is short lived, it does not last.
Usually if you change environment or you come in contact with another attractive person that feeling usually disappears or is transferred to the new person.
I had my first crush at 13, I had traveled to another city to spend my holidays, it lasted for the duration of the the holidays, after I went back to my base all was forgotten. I know that for some people, the thoughts and feelings keep nagging even after they leave the person physically, but compared to the rest of your life, Something as flimsy as a crush can only last a very short while. You will eventually have to move on and pursue other things that life insists on.
2. IT IS USUALLY BASED ON WHAT IS SEEN.
The attraction is usually premised on the image of the person. The physical attributes( eyes, hips, lips, height, intellectual capability etc)
Most times you have little or no knowledge of nor concern for the character and personality of the other person. We often hear teenagers say things like; “it doesn’t matter, I just love Him”.
The problem is that in the long run, the things that really do matter are the things that do not matter at all under the cloud of infatuation; Character, Integrity, Patience and all other virtues that can keep a relationship.
3. IT IS OFTEN UNREALISTIC AND BASED ON FANTASIES
It is common at this stage to see the person you have a crush on as the perfect person, without flaws.
Most times they are unreachable or unavailable. (Actors/Actresses, Artistes, married or quite older persons, maybe your Teacher or Lecturer) Yet, you envision the both of you being together without any restrictions.
The reality however, is that such a fantasy never comes true and all that youthful energy should rather be put to good use on something that actually has prospects.
4. IT IS SELFISH
Each party is concerned with “what’s in it for me“. Crushes are accompanied with a deep need for self satisfaction, Self indulgence and high emotional expectations often for money or sexual pleasures.
Your primary concern will be to satisfy your own desires and wants. There is no genuine interest in seeing the progress of the other party. It gets really complicated where sex and romance has been introduced and now one party feels like the other one owes them something. it really gets nasty from there on in.
5. THE ATTRACTION & ROMANCE USUALLY STARTS FAST
Infatuation starts as a full blown tree of attraction and fondness. It has an overwhelming effect on the parties. It rarely starts slow or undergoes a growth process. This should scare anyone involved in an infatuated relationship. the reason is simple; Any relationship, business or organization is as strong as the process it went through to get established.
True Love usually comes as a seed of affection, that grows as the rain of care, commitment, friendship and sacrifice fall on it
6. IT HAS A DISORGANIZING / NEGATIVE INFLUENCE ON YOU
Infatuation prevents your concentration and hampers your retention badly. The reason is because it is like a wild fire consuming your emotions and your mind. you find yourself drifting when being instructed. You go buy oil, when you were instructed to buy rice. You are always imagining being together with the other fellow.
It is also dangerous in the way that it encourages rebellion. A child who grew up idolizing their parents and believing the words of people around them, at this stage make an enemy out of every one that stands against their emotional escapades.
7. THERE IS NO FUTURE/ FUTURISTIC PLANS
More often than not, where the parties are together there is no discussion as where they would be in years to come. There is rarely any concept of a future… only Now. This is dangerous because the urge for present pressures could be a trap to lure you into eating up the seeds you should have planted for tomorrow’s harvest.
It gets complicated where sex and romance has been introduced, Every meeting is automatically and uncontrollable transformed into an opportunity to fondle and have sex. The 5/ 10 years after question cannot be answered.
8. CONSTANT FRICTION/ DISAGREEMENT
Constant break ups and make ups. Quarrels are rarely settled by communication with words but with a kiss or sex. The power of the sexual expression and the kiss last only as long as the next disagreement which is often on a few days and over the most trivial of things.
Any disagreements in a relationship that cannot be settled by communication and understanding is a death trap, because you are wasting a lot of time and not building any understanding between the parties. you are not really in love with the person, because you are not really getting to know the person. You are only in love with the idea of being in love with that person.
Every teenager should know that Crushes and Infatuation is temporal. It is extremely unwise to make life decisions based on fluctuating emotions. This stage should be dedicated to personal development, so that when you are ready you have something to offer the other party apart from a portal of emotional and physical needs that need to met.
How did you handle crushes growing up?
Feel free to add to the list (in the comment section) of things to tell our Teenagers about infatuation.
Your Teen Counsellor,
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